Funny answers to funny questions in Australia

Some helpful yet funny answers to general questions in and about Australia.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

 

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

 

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...

 

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

 

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

 

Q: Which direction is north in Australia? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

 

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

 

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

 

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)

A: No, WE don't stink.

 

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

 

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?

 

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

 

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

A: Only at Christmas.

 

Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)

A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

 

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

 

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

 

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees.(USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

 

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

 

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

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Map of Australian territories or states

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Immigrating to australia? - a real map

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Map of Austrialia for immigrants

speaks for itself





How I got my visa, Life, Lumps and spirit, Hate your new country? Your not alone! A good Furniture Rental company in Sydney,Why do immigrants leave Australia?, Sydney - Scotland island - hidden gem, Malls in Sydney, Living in St Ives, Arriving in Sydney, Driving through Sydney - first day, How expensive is Sydney

Is a Australia a good place for Indians to migrate?

In 2011-12 people of Indian nationality became the largest group of permanent migrants to Australia and formed 15.7% of the total migration population. Australia's Indian population has is the  fastest growing population in the country in 2008-2009 - it has increased by 44,012 which is 17%
DNA studies have even found that indians may have been coming t Australia as much as 4000 years ago.

In 2009 there were 120 000 indians studying at Australian tertiary institutions and Australia has become the place to study and is a popular choice over the USA and the UK.

In 2009 there was also a lot of reports in the Media of Australian racism against indians in the form of robberies and violence. This resulted in mass protests and public awareness.

The size of the Indian poplation in Australia is now only second to the Chinese. (Excluding European)

There was a time when Australia had a "white only" immigration policy, but when this was cleared away indians soon took up the opportunity to immigrate to Australia.

Experiences

From researching with various connections, Many Indians find Australian culture to be very shallow.

They find themselves disconnected and isolated, finding it very difficult to let go of their "great past" but have to because no-one in Australia is interested in their Indian-ness. Many Indians find living in Australia to be very bland. (and we are not talking food here :) )

Australia is promoted like mad, but its not India and is highly regulated - Many indians find it hard to fit into the 9-5 working lifestyle.

Some find Australia to be very negative towards entrepreneurship and lacking in vision and drive.
Even though many indians feel like Australia is clean and neat, they find that very neatness to be stifling, They feel like aliens and are unable to broaden their horizons. Many indians feel that in order to be themselves they need to return to India.

I had to laugh when one person described Australia as a Dumb blonde.

Many many Indians come to Australia, but leave again, this seems to be a pattern that is similiar to any immigrant who is missing the familiarity and culture of home.

Another Indian gent describes Australia as a mix of arses and good people like anywhere else- He also said its like a slightly backward clone of the UK but with a warm climate. "Australians don't want to be multicultural, they want you to come over and become Australian (or bugger orf mate)"

It does seem that Melbourne is the favourite City for Indians immigrating to Australia. Some Indian guy commented recently that he prefers it over New york city.

In conclusion it looks like Australia oin the whole is a good place to go and study and broaden ones horizons and for thos willing to work and push their way through the glass ceilings, then there is a huge future with a lot of opportunity.


How I got my visa, Life, Lumps and spirit, Hate your new country? Your not alone! A good Furniture Rental company in Sydney,Why do immigrants leave Australia?, Sydney - Scotland island - hidden gem, Malls in Sydney, Living in St Ives, Arriving in Sydney, Driving through Sydney - first day, How expensive is Sydney

Unhappy in Australia? Suffering immigration depression?

I thought I would collate some facts about general unhappiness of immigrants after their move to Australia.

One Lady I know of had a huge job in her country of origin and could not get hat same job in Australia and had to take some really difficult jobs when she arrived. I know that now she just does some cleaning jobs and that they are struggling to get by on a combined married income of $90 000 per annum. This is useless feeling is combined with missing friends and family. not good.

As a South African I know from some recently published stats that almost 8.8% of South Africans that come to Australia leave.
Thats almost one in ten. It looks like even a beautiful adevertized country like Australia can be pretty awful to many immigrants.

I guess happiness in Australia depends on a large universe of factors. Making friends, money, family ties, emotional attachments, schooling and so on.

A lot of immigrants that do leave Australia leave because the are on a 457 visa and their jobs end - This just means they could not get an extension.

A lot of people who immigrate to Australia have to take a step down in their living standards - jobs pay less- no flashy cars and hence this really has an emotional affect. It helps to prepare yourself before you come over to Australia. Of course some people quite understandably just can't do this and their immigration fails. People get caught up in the "holiday" aspect of the move - the removals, the visa, the research, but they do not prepare themselves at all mentally and emotionally for the big change.

One recurring theme is that people struggle to find jobs that they are used to in Australia. They have to work in lower positions for less money. Some people take up to two years to find work - dwindling cash reserves, family issues, these all take their toll. It looks like if you can get past your first 4 years you should be ok.

Another Factor is the big City pull. Some people move to Sydney and because it is so expensive and vast it is difficult to integrate and get by financially. Some have settled in small cities and towns and found the experience to be much more positive.

For some people its just so bad in their home countries that settling in Australia is the only option. They just bear the hardship, the tears and frugality.

Whatever your reasons - please prepare yourself for your move to Australia. its much more than just sunny skies and beaches and clean cities. You have to life "life" here just like anywhere else.

Later people and best wishes whatever your decisions !!


How I got my visa, Life, Lumps and spirit, Hate your new country? Your not alone! A good Furniture Rental company in Sydney,Why do immigrants leave Australia?, Sydney - Scotland island - hidden gem, Malls in Sydney, Living in St Ives, Arriving in Sydney, Driving through Sydney - first day, How expensive is Sydney

What is the worst suburb in Sydney, Australia?

Hi peeps,

Some say Parammata, some contenders are CampbellTown, others point to affluent areas.

Whats your beef?

Leave your comments (dont be too rude) here and we will come up with a winner.

Some names to mention have been Sutherland, Marrickville and Springwood.

Yet others say the whole of Sydney is a Glittering Whore with no soul at all. Looking good from a distance but nothing to see up close.

later all


How I got my visa, Life, Lumps and spirit, Hate your new country? Your not alone! A good Furniture Rental company in Sydney,Why do immigrants leave Australia?, Sydney - Scotland island - hidden gem, Malls in Sydney, Living in St Ives, Arriving in Sydney, Driving through Sydney - first day, How expensive is Sydney